Legarrus
by Makolin808
Summary: Legion and Garrus yaoi! They do the do!


"Can it wait a minute? I'm in the middle of some calibrations," Garrus said to Sheppard as she ran in little circles until she exited the room.

Garrus sighed, he was secretly very attracted to Shepard, but he would always shoo her away because he was embarrassed of the little tent he was pitching in his armor whenever she was around.

 _What's wrong with me_ he thought. Garrus hadn't had boners like this since his teenager larval state. Every time he was around Sheppard he felt like a krogan who had just cured the genophage: ready to mate.

 _Why can't I just man up and talk to her! I just want her to wake up and notice me!_ Garrus said slamming his fists down on the console, causing his I Heart Calibrations mug to spill animo coffee everywhere.

The console made a bzzt bzzt noise, sending out a little sparks of electricity and then quickly going dark.

"No! No!" Garrus shouted as he wildly mashed buttons with his talons across the keyboard. It was so difficult to use because it was designed for human hands. He got a semi thinking about Sheppard's ten fingers. _That's like four more than I have_. He thought. _I bet she could calibrate so quickly on these consoles with her hands. I bet she could do other things... With her hands..._ He thought as he sighed and blushed a deep ultramarine blue.

 _But now's not the time for this! We're about to go into a very important mission! My loyalty mission! So these guns need to be in perfect working order_! He sighed again. _What am I gonna do?_

As if sensing his need, Legion sauntered through the door.

"Garrus friend, do you require our help?"

"Friend?" said Garrus. "You consider me a friend?"

"Yes Garrus friend. You are our friend. We've been together on so many missions. You helped overwrite the heretics. We are very grateful, friend."

Garrus was pleased. He'd always been a sort of an outcast, a loner. He spent his days on the Normandy calibrating in his dark little hole getting boners whenever Sheppard would come to check on him.

"Thank you Legion. I too consider you a friend."

Legion's eye focused and turned a pale pink very briefly.

"What was that?" Garrus asked.

"Nothing. A programming error."

"Oh okay," said Garrus, totally believing that. "As you can see my calibration console is broken so I need to find some other way to get these calibrations done."

"Yes. This unit should have the proper hardware housed inside its body..."

"Really? Well that's certainly convenient!"

"Yes," replied Legion very quickly.

"Alright, how do I access it?"

"You must remove the C.R.O.T.C.H. plate. Our programming prohibits us from doing it ourselves."

"The crotch plate?!"

"Yes. It stands for the calibration regional on-site... technical... calibration hole."

"Oh, okay," said Garrus, totally believing that.

"I'll grab my screwdriver. What size do you need?"

"The biggest one you can find," Legion responded quickly.

"I have a lot of tools at my disposal here, what size do you need?"

"Don't worry this unit can take a lot."

"Well, okay," said Garrus. "Let's try this one," he said as he grabbed the biggest one in his tool chest.

"Nice," Legion responded, his light narrowing and flushing a deep red.

"Woah, maybe you should have Tali look at that programming error. Seems like it's getting worse," Garrus said as he began to unscrew the C.R.O.T.C.H. plate.

"Don't worry this one is operating inside of the normal parameters for this unit," said Legion.

"Ok," said Garrus as he gingerly removed the C.R.O.T.C.H. plate.

Legions body tensed up, a visible electrical spark raced through his loins. Legion let a sudden buzzing noise.

"On no! Did I do something wrong?" Said Garrus.

"N-no," said Legion, "Don't stop."

"Is that… A sliding puzzle?"

"Yes," responded Legion. "It is one of the many necessary safeguards to the inner workings of this unit. This hardware is very... sensitive. You must complete the puzzle, Garrus friend."

"Well okay," said Garrus as he used his nimble fingers to sensually slide the pieces of the puzzle across the inside of Legion's body.

Legion begins to emit a gentle whirr that became increasingly more violent as Garrus got closer to completing the puzzle.

"There!" Garrus shouted as he completed the puzzle.

Legion let out the beeps of an alarm clock upon completion, and he threw his head back. His lights flashed violently.

Garrus was so focused on the puzzle that he didn't notice Legions reaction. "Is that... Is that me?" He asked, staring deeply into Legion's open C.R.O.T.C.H.

"All likeness to your visage is purely coincidental."

"It has my scar and everything. I'm pretty sure that's a picture of me."

"No. It is not," said Legion as the entire puzzle slidded quickly up into his chest. His chest cavity opened up to reveal a spout. Cool jazz began to play from his inner speakers.

"Garrus friend, please retrieve a glass."

"I don't see how this is going to help with calibrations."

"It will. This technology is cutting edge. It was designed specifically for interface with amino based life forms. You must drink of this units ceremonial 'wine' to confirm your status as an amino based life form."

"Well alright then..." said Garrus, filling his empty I Heart Calibrations mug with Legion's chest wine. Legion moaned as the wine gushed forth and sputtered into the mug.

"Woah there, buddy! You're getting this stuff all over me!" Said Garrus.

Legion's eye flushed pink as he quietly giggled.

"Bombs away," said Garrus, as he drank all the of Legion's wine in one fell swoop.

"Yes. Drink it. Drink my 'wine.'"

"That stuff is great! What a fine vintage. You could make a fortune bottling that stuff, Legion."

"No it is just for you."

"Oh, alright."

The wine cavity closed up to reveal...

"Is that a zipper?"

"Yes. It is. You must utter the password as you unzip it."

"And the password is..?"

"Yaranaika."

Garrus got on his knees, reached deep inside of Legion and tenderly caressed Legion's zipper with his talon. "Yaranaika," he whispered as he slowly undid the zipper.

The calibration unit emerged.

"You have unlocked this unit's calibration module."

"Huh," Garrus said. "This is a smaller unit than I was expecting for all this work."

"Don't worry. It will get bigger," Legion responded quickly. "You need to activate it with your mouth."

"Why?!" Said Garrus, as he looked up at Legion's hard body towering over him.

"It will react to the aminos in your saliva. This is the only way to ensure proper calibration."

Garrus went to town on Legion's calibration module.

"Ah. Yes. Yes," said Legion. "Calibrations nearing completion." His whole body heated up, and electrical currents coursed through him. He booped and beeped with much fervor.

"You must act quickly in these final stages of calibration, Garrus friend."

Garrus made a muffled gagging sound and gave Legion a thumbs up to show that he heard as he began to go at it even harder.

"CALIBRATIONS COMPLETE HUUUUUUUAAAAAH!" Shouted Legion. "Emitting cool down liquid."

Garrus could feel a warm liquid shooting from the calibration module into his mouth.

"Gah, what is that?!" Said Garrus as he spat the liquid out on the floor.

"It is the cool down liquid. You must consume it."

"Why?!"

"We do not know. It is just an important part of the calibration process."

"Sigh... I don't want to, but I guess I have to," said Garrus as he brought his blue tongue down to floor and lapped up the smelly liquid.

As soon as he cleaned the floor, the ships console turned back on.

"Calibrations complete," EDI announced.

"It worked! Thank you so much Legion!"

"No. Thank you, Garrus friend," said Legion as he sauntered out the door, grabbing his C.R.O.T.C.H. plate along the way.

"Thank you, EDI," Legion said once he was back inside the main AI housing unit for the Normandy.

"Just don't forget to upload that first person footage to my data banks, Legion."

Le end... For now ;^)


End file.
